A Famous Rant:: Ghetto Ass Pictures

Alright now people, I've already given you my stance on the pseud0-freaks on 'Myspace', 'Rude' and other adult social networks. But now it's time to delve into another topic that just sets my locks on fire-jacked up ghetto ass pictures. As the world continues to go picture crazy, snapping pictures for every thinkable reason, I can't help but to notice what people think passes for arousing.

Now I love a good nude picture. I'm down for checking a sexy chick and a buffed dude with a big ole third leg that makes me drool. It's damn sexy. However I need to get at the ghetto mutha fukkas on this one. You all know who the hell you are! The ones who take nude flicks of yourselves and have a whole bunch of crap in the back ground or the sistas (and sometimes fellas, how you doin'??) who have war wounds on their ass cheeks. The fucked up pictures where everything about the picture is hot, but you got one eye closed?! Don't post that shit! This post is for the the clueless people who have no idea that their nudies just are not hot.

A FEW STEPS FOR THE OBLIVIOUS AND CLUELESS
Before taking some butt ass naked shots of yourself, please, I beg of you take heed of this simple guide I have put together:

1. Before taking a picture, check your body for any ashy spots and apply lotion liberally. Drizzled baby oil is a sexy look too. Try it.
   
2. Check your surroundings. Remove all evidence of children's toys, cribs, dishes, take-out boxes, dirty clothes including socks and drawls, hangers, brooms and other unnecessary shit. We can see all that behind you, ya know.
   
3. Make sure the coast is clear. Check your background. Who or what is behind you? If your door looks dirty like you've lived there for 30 years, pick another background.
   
4. If your flash bounces off your mirror causing nothing but a big ass blur, the mirror is not the ideal place to take a nudie, now is it?
5. Know your genitals. I can't stress this enough people. The extra, extra, extra close up of your cooch or dick and balls is not as attractive as you may think. Only a gynecologist gets that damn close, why should I? Another Hint: If it takes me 5 minutes to figure out if that's your tits or your ass crack I'm staring at, then you're too friggin close.
   
6. Which leads me to the next thing-stop using your junk as your main picture. We're all horny, just like you and wanna get to see the goods, but you're seriously objectifying yourself into simply a body part. There are still some of us out there that like to see the face attached to the body part.
   
7. Ladies, do you hair, put on some make up, look cute. If you need a perm or you look like you just rolled out of bed, perk yourself up 1st. Damn atleast some lip gloss.
   
8. Don't put your kids in the shot or in the background of your nude shot. It sounds soooo obvious but damn if I haven't seen that shit done before.
9. Stop embarrassing yourself with the kiddie crap. If you have a Winnie the Pooh, Tweety Bird, SpongeBob or a poster of Chris Brown on your wall move it out of the frame. It makes you look real immature.
10. When posting your picture online turn your picture right side up. If you can't figure out how to turn your picture around so we can all see it, then you don't need to be taking pictures.
11. Put up more than one picture. Who are you fooling, you got your tits out there for the whole world to see, c'mon throw a few more out there.
12. The tounge pics...not hot. Just cause you got a tounge ring doesn't mean you know how to use it. If your gonna take a tounge pic, make it sexy. Don't just leave your tounge waggin out there like a dog.
    

Ok so you get what I'm trying to say here. Putting up your personal pictures is like putting an ad in the paper, well in this case online. It's all advertising and you wanna look your best. No mean muggin, no crap in the background and show off only your best assets...and not that boyle on your ass cheek.

This has been another Famous Rant(tm).
Get Right People.

(C)2008 Ever M. Famous